This little guy is awesome. He loves horror movies and loves to draw monsters. In order to help his family with the medical bills, they're selling prints of his super rad drawings. Check out the video and if you love his drawings as much as I do, check out his Etsy site. I have ordered three, including the above Wolfman. He even has a Nosferatu!
Fact: 95% of all comments on the interweb are written by clinically retarded humans. The level of stupidity carefully applied to each is mind numbing. 999 out of 1,000 posts are written in the wrong tense, have sparingly used punctuation, and a plethora of ill placed LOL's and smiley faces. In most cases, commenter's SHIFT keys could be removed with zero consequence. Even beyond these grammatical issues, translating what the commenter is actually trying to say is usually perplexing to the point of madness. It's heartbreaking to see just how dumb we truly have become.
YouTube is the goddamn treasure trove of amazing comments. You will never find a dumber group of people. Ever. You could be in a room filled with 100 stroke patients and the conversation would be more eloquent than what you'll find on YouTube. IDIOCRACY didn't go far enough with how stupid people are going to be.
I went through the comments for a few horror movie trailers and picked out some gems for you all. Trust me, there are plenty more, so I highly recommend sifting through them yourself. First up:
THE GRUDGE Spyhunter3391 has an envious ability. Dude can sleep and watch a movie at the same time:
Spyhunter3391 4 months ago This movie was okay... i didn't think it was scary all though.. I slept through the whole movie it wasn't that scary.
PARANORMAL ACTIVITY This is a two parter. It's like an angry I AM SAM (TheFrostbird) conversing with SLING BLADE (loxy777):
TheFrostbird 1 week ago @loxy777 Im not that kind of person who do not grant a little victory to anybody, but if u had looked at my comment a bit more attentively u would have seen that i wrote: I didnt know that Paranormal Activities really exist..., okay? I DIDNT know when i looked the movie. Of course this movie is not based on a true story, but there were many similar cases with PnA in the real world.
But thx that u wanted to *illuminate* me and i know u just meant it good ;)
loxy777 1 week ago @TheFrostbird kool... glad u accept dere exis JIn.. search bou them... dey r beings of another dimension... dey r cool.. n i like da way u talk , ! :D
HIGH TENSION Mortimer2020 watches horror movies like HIGH TENSION not only for the blood and scares, but also...for the ladies:
mortimer2020 6 months ago i liked this movie...but the end confused me. how did she kill that guy when the guy (i guess) is her? and if the guy is her, how did she kill him but she ended up being alive?....shes pretty good looking tho
PANDORUM You win a prize if you can translate what Wowjbeowulf is expounding about:
WOWJBEOWULF 3 months ago Pandorum, this movie was so unwanted at the box office, the director should clone himself without memory so he can beat himself up and then try to sell the resulting movie. Yet another horror movie gone bad, we can only wonder how many movies were lost to time, because the only one with a copy was the director who loved his own work.
SORORITY ROW I never saw this, but tehFluffie isn't a fan. And if tehFluffie ain't on board, tehn Matt Mowrer ain't on board:
tehFluffie 2 days ago The ending didn't make any sence , And when someone died they didn't act very bothered which is down to terrible acting!
BONUS:
I know this isn't necessarily a horror movie, but I felt the following comment on BATTLE: LOS ANGELES was a necessity for this post:
usmceflips 1 day ago why does everyone mentiones skyline with this movie?skyline camed out and its not in theaters and torrents wtf? this movie will be best faggets
A buddy sent me this awesome video that some awesome person with an awesome amount of free time edited together of what he deems the 100 greatest horror movie lines. It's a pretty rad compilation. My only complaint is that a few of the movies shown in here aren't horror movies (I could sort of see how someone would consider DELIVERANCE to be a horror movie, but 2001: A Space Odyssey?).
Check it out. Below I will list all the movies referenced and for fun will ITALICIZE all the movies I haven't seen myself. Some of this will be a bit revealing and, in some cases, embarrassing.
I’m trying to not be a Zombinezer Scrooge (see what I did there? goddamn genius), but I found the series premiere episode of THE WALKING DEAD to be a bit underwhelming. Don’t get me wrong, it was good and I’m still very excited about the show. I have been asking the universe for a zombie apocalypse show for the last 6 years, so this is all very grand, but it just didn’t have that jaw dropping vibe I was hoping for.
My disappointment started with the plot device where our protagonist, Rick Grimes, wakes up from a coma in a vacated hospital. It’s well executed in the show, but unfortunately it was already well executed in Danny Boyle’s 28 DAYS LATER. I know that THE WALKING DEAD is based on a previously published source material, so they couldn’t change TOO many things, but for me that entire 15 minutes of the show was ‘been there, done that’.
That’s a pretty big moment of the series, so it was a bit of a letdown. It’s reminiscent of when I saw the teaser trailer for GODZILLA. In it a homeless fisherman is casting off a pier and much to his dismay he ‘catches’ Godzilla. I remember seeing that and thinking A) that was awesome, and B) I can’t wait to see how they reveal Godzilla in the movie. Turns out it was the exact same scene. So disappointed. The movie was ass bags from there anyway, so whatever.
I also felt like there were a handful of scenes that really didn’t have the emotional impact that was intended. In one scene Grimes walks up to a zombie (one that pulls itself along with its arms since it has no legs) and before putting her/it out of her/its misery with a bullet through the eyeball, he tells her/it that ‘he’s sorry this happened to you’.
I didn’t feel he was sorry at all. That’s the moment they want you to feel sympathy for the zombies (who are technically just victims), but instead it felt more like Grimes was angry with her/it. It not only causes you to miss that important connection that zombies are/were humans, you also miss a great opportunity for the viewer to like and care for Grimes. The mercy killing becomes more of an act of vengeance.
Regardless, I think the last 15 minutes of the show was easily the best, so I anxiously await next week’s episode. I think from here it’s only going to get better now that they got the initial setup out of the way. These fingers are crossed.
I’m really doing a great job of keeping up with this blog. I started The Black Maria two weeks ago and here we are for post #2. WOOHOO!
def geek Slang . –noun
1. a computer expert or enthusiast (a term of pride as self-reference, but often considered offensive when used by outsiders.)
2. a peculiar or otherwise dislikable person, esp. one who is perceived to be overly intellectual.
3. a carnival performer who performs sensationally morbid or disgusting acts, as biting off the head of a live chicken.
The 3rd one is the one we got going for us with this one.
While browsing Netflix Instant Watch, I stumbled upon the cult (what does this really mean?) serial killer movie LUTHER THE GEEK (written & directed by Carlton J. Albright).
Why did I watch this?
I’m not sure what drew my attention to this movie. It was either the part of the description that mentions an alcoholic carnie who bites the heads off of chickens or the part where The Freak stalks his victims with metallic dentures and clucks like I chicken. Who’s to say?
What is the brief synopsis?
Luther the Boy (simply credited as The Freak) bears witnesses to a calamitous event where a bunch of rowdy carnies make some dude, who for some reason is in a cage, bite the head off of a chicken. Apparently it has some sort of long lasting effect on the boy because as an adult he ends up in a prison/mental institution. The probation board then makes what I would consider at the very least a questionable judgment call and lets Luther out on parole. I mean, for Christ’s sake, the dude thinks he’s a chicken. Sure enough upon his release he instantly murders an old lady by ripping her throat out with his metal teeth. Why does he have metal teeth you ask? For throat ripping, obviously. All chickens have throat ripping teeth. Where did he get such a device? It’s not explained, but I would guess the throat ripping/chicken costume depot. Duh! Anyway, after he murders the old lady, he hides out in some woman’s barn. He then torments her and her family for about 60 minutes of the movie until it reaches its climax. The end. There’s really not much else to it.
Did I like this film and why or why not?
I actually did like it, which I credit almost entirely to the performance of Edward Terry as Luther.
What else has Edward Terry been in? Pretty much nothing, which I guess is a shame. Perhaps he’s a bad actor. I don’t know. Whatever the case is, Albright does a fantastic job of directing him. Luther doesn’t say much in the movie (I actually don’t recall him saying anything), which really creates an aura of mystery behind the motivation of his actions. On top of that, I don’t think there WAS any motivation beyond his desire to rip throats with his mouth. That simple, dark desire for violence is what makes him truly terrifying. He’s much like Michael Myers in that regard.
As mentioned before, Luther thinks he’s a chicken. It sounds completely retarded. Asking an actor to mimic the characterizations of any animal, especially one as silly and awkward as a chicken, has major potential to land with a thud on the side of laughable, but Terry somehow manages to pull it off. He makes just the right inhuman head movements and gives all the right unsettling looks to really sell this guy as a true force of terror. He even clucks and somehow it works. Frankly, it’s downright disturbing.
What are the bad parts?
The bad parts are the illogical decisions some of the characters make, starting with the parole board letting this wackadoo out of jail after a debate of about 7 seconds and ending with a police deputy entering a dark (and apparently mansion sized) barn knowing that Luther is in there waiting for him.
What is the best kill and/or scariest moment?
The scariest part to me was when Luther first reveals his presence to the woman. There’s no build up to it at all. Just a simple wide shot of him running full speed from the barn to the house as she tries to lock the door in a panic. It was one of those shots that felt way too real for one’s liking.
As for best kill, there’s a lot of throat dismissal, so that’s cool, but the best kill would actually be when Luther grabs the woman’s daughter and throws her to the ground next to her boyfriend, who unbeknownst to her has been gutted and has his still beating heart dangling OUTSIDE OF HIS CHEST! Hell yeah.
Take that douchebag boyfriend named Rob. Your heart is stupid.
HATCHET 2: I'm TOTES bummed. The MPAA said I'm too violent to give me an R rating.
AMC: What?! That's completely absurd!
HATCHET 2: Yeah, it's a real son-of-a-bitch move by them.
AMC: To F with them. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to put you on our screens anyway. After all, we LOVE your older brother Hatchet 1.
HATCHET 2: Oh, word! That's completely rad of you, AMC. Thank you so much! You're the best.
AMC: Sike!
Aaaaaaaaand...scene.
That's basically what happened last week to Adam Green's [director of FROZEN, SPIRAL, and HATCHET] sequel. AMC was cool enough to show an unrated horror movie, then suddenly turned into giant Were-pussies and pulled it because it 'didn't perform'.
AMC clearly about faced because of all the controversy between Green and the outrageous organization that is the MPAA. To say it was because of it's low box office take is insulting and ridiculous. A) what sort of performance were you expecting from a completely unadvertised sequel [to perhaps an even less known original] whose biggest star is Candyman*? And B) if you pull movies because of their poor box office performance, why is Case 39**# still playing at the AMC CityWalk?
Mind bottling side note - HATCHET 1 had problems getting this poster approved:
Final note - HATCHET 2 has this chick in it. Soooo hot. Want to touch the heiny. Aaaawoooo!
*Apologies to Candyman. Please don't gut me with your hook.
**Apologies to Christian Alvart. ANTIBODIES is flippin' awesome.
#Kill yourself, Renee Zellwegger. You're useless and you ruined APPALOOSA.
